


Trust & Love (Trevor Philips x Reader)

by milowrites



Category: Grand Theft Auto Series (Video Games), Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Attempted Kidnapping, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, North Yankton
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28812948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milowrites/pseuds/milowrites
Summary: Trevor Philips, the infamous self-proclaimed King of Sandy Shores and T.P.I runs into a girl that just might have much more in common with him than he thinks. He was lost, broken and filled with the variety of drugs and sadness that pooled the void in his stomach and heart. And just like the Universe planned it, so was the girl, Y/n. Both of their worlds were turned upside down in uncertainty as they tried to figure out how they felt about one another.
Relationships: Michael De Santa & Trevor Philips, Trevor Philips/Reader, Trevor Philips/You
Kudos: 19





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Trust & Love! This is from my Wattpad so in transition, there will be a few changes and will not be flooded with A/N's like on Wattpad so you're welcome. Enjoy the story! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prologue to start it all

Trevor drove quick and quite reckless through the twisty streets of L.S. while he growled in anger. His rage left him to speed and grip his steering wheel tightly.

"You fuckin' fuckers better know what's coming! Oooh ... you are going to pay." 

He had enemies, alright. He's Trevor fuckin' Philips! But he didn't care. What he did care about was a lovely lady who he had found in the almost forgotten suburb in L.S. The image of her scraggly hair and hollowed eyes was imprinted in his mind.

And maybe the way they had met wasn't so fairytale rather than reality. But God help those who hurt his girl.

"You motherfuckers better have a good reason to take her away like that!" He bellowed at the men who surrounded the small frame that did belong to Y/n who wriggled in one of the men's grips and bound in the mans grasp.

"No reason, other than to see that face of yours twist in that anger we all know, Trev." The man replied. He wore a mask that hid his face. Nearly towering over Trevor but he certainly knew he was the guy in charge of this whole ordeal.

Trevor was not having it. He slowly stepped forward,"Enough of the bullshit. You let her go and you can have me."

"Not going to happen, Trevor. See, people like you don't deserve to be happy. You don't deserve a normal life. Where you belong is in Sandy Shores, shooting yourself up with rusty needles and running a downward business you call successful."

"Yeah!? Well you belong in the fucking ground six feet under my damn boot!" He charged at the men who were quick to point their weapons at the girl. Trevor scowled, gritting his teeth.

"Is that so? Well, I'm sure you wouldn't want miss  
Y/n here to be ... executed, now would you? After all, she's the one who stayed through your antics. I'd say you both are fucked up. What a women to be kept by you."

Trevor looked at Y/n, seeing her eyes wide and looking through his darkened ones. His heart leapt and soon was mixed with anger. He had to protect her. She was the only one who stayed and damn it if he had to be abandoned again.

"Now you listen here you petty fucks, I won't ask again so keep your little shitty ears wiiide open, alright?" Trevor was slow in his steps, aware of the weapons pointed his way.

"You let Y/n go and if you do, we'll be outta here. You won't have to see me and I won't have to see your scummy putrid fuckin' faces. Plus, you'll be alive! But if not?" His pause was then a small laugh, his hands in fists, eyes bored into the man who's smug grin faded.

"I'll make sure to kill you and all of your families. Put your corpses up on a fun little display as they wonder how in thee FUCK YOU KIND OF MISTAKES WERE EVER TO BE CREATED ON THIS EARTH!" He bellowed as he took one more step, his heels digging firmly in the ground,"Do I make myself clear?..."

The five men were to falter back on their positions and let the girl in capture go. They were to apologize and scurry off over the horizons and hope to drown in the infinite seas that were just behind them.

But that wasn't the case.

"Try me," The masked man pointed a gun at Y/n's temple, loaded and ready,"You psychotic hipster fuck."


	2. Imaginary Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a drunken mess, Trevor rides through the streets of Los Santos looking for some sort of comfort to pull him through the night. In the midst of his aimless drive, he comes across Y/n who's filled to the brim with street narcotics.

Trevor found himself to stumble to his truck, nearly tripping over his feet as gravity was not in his favor. The bars manager waving their fist in anger as their yells were not reaching the drunken man. 

"fuckers... kickin' me out.." He stuttered as he grasped the handle, ripping the door open and plopping inside the truck before starting it up and taking off.

It was a normal night on the edges of Sandy Shores. Nearing midnight the streets were greeted with the various flickering lights and off road vehicles taking off into the mountains for their nightly rides.

As for Trevor he weaved through the L.S traffic, looking for a hole to score.

Though in his state, it was impossible. All the girls fled and one even said they would rather fuck a rusted sewage pipe than him.

"Well fuck you too! Both you and your vending machine of diseases!" He yelled over the blaring music that emitted from his radio. Trevor speeded off, giving up the pleasures he desired for the night.

An hour in of the silent drive he had on his own, he ended up in the lonely suburbs of L.S. His driving was slow and was cruising through the deadened streets. The music was off and all he could hear was the distant waters hitting the shores.

"Fuckin' hopeless piece of shit you really are." He mumbles, cursing at himself as the intersection light remained infinitely red.

It was quick. A loud thump hitting the side of his vehicle. His eyes widened through the haziness of his intoxication but a frame of a girl made him freeze nearly for a few seconds.

"What the-!?"

"I'm sorry! But- Could you please just get me outta here?" The girl was swift to make herself in the passenger seat and was desperate for an escape.

"Well- where we headin', sweetcheeks?"

"Anywhere but here. Hurry!"

"Alright alright ... Jesus."

Trevor stepped on the gas pedal, sending him and the new girl flying down the highways. It was straight from here on. Trevor remained focused on the road but was wondering what she was running from.

"Who's botherin' ya?" He asked, looking behind them, having seen nothing chasing after them,"Your name?"

"Y/n." She twitched, having kept looking behind her every few seconds,"These-These people keep harassing me and following me." She groaned and rested her head in her palms.

The man knew what the issue was with her. By the markings on her arms and the scabbing of her skin, it resembled his own. Paranoia. Twitchiness. Hollow eyes.

Meth head.

"Damn, get me the stuff you're getting offered. Must be a fuckin' doozy if you're this shitfaced off the goods!"

"It's-It's not like that! I swear there's- there's-!"

"Yeah yeah, there's angry people coming after you, in the corners of your room, in your bathroom. The toootal works."

Y/n was froze,"You see them too?"

"Yeah, when I'm too fucking high off the dust. Listen, cutie, ya gotta lay it off some." Trevor snickered as the lady beside him glared daggers.

"Look who's talking! It's not like I didn't notice your bulging veins and bruised forearms!" She yelled.

"That ain't the only thing that's bulgin', cupcake."

Y/n scoffed,"Piss off."

"You were asking for it."

There was a brief silence between the two. The car slowed down, knowing now that it was really a false alarm.

"Trevor."

"Huh?"

"My name? It's Trevor. Damn, you must be really off the rocks." He retorted, earning a small snicker from Y/n.

"Yeah and you must be up everybody's ass."

"Only every other day, baby. Besides, haven't had a taste of you yet." He grinned. Y/n hadn't replied, simply only crossing her arms. It left Trevor to smile to himself as there was finally life going on around him.

"It's nice to meet you." Trevor said, glancing over to the girl who looked over to him briefly.

"Yeah, you too."

And he swore he saw the faintest of drug laced smiles.

It made him smile, too.


	3. Opening and Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor takes in Y/n and brings her back to Sandy Shores. Y/n starts to think that maybe there's more depth with her newly found friend. Though, after Trevor's friend Michael stops over, Y/n decides that staying with Trevor would be too much of a bother and comes face to face with some bikers.

\------------------  
It wasn't very long till they reached the safe house. Well, more of a 'safe trailer'

"Sandy Shores, huh? Away from the hustle and bustle of people." Y/n commented, following Trevor inside the messy and smelly abode.

"Correct-a-mundo, sweetheart. Though, me being a busy man myself I don't have all the leisure I'd wish to. Ya know, settle down and all that bull." He sauntered over to the fridge while Y/n found herself to scan around the newly place. Cockroaches infested the flooring, gasoline and smoke in the air, pictures of nearly naked women crudely taped on the wall, it surely was his home alright.

Trevor popped open a beer effortlessly and swigged its contents down, "That and the whole drug ordeals." He nonchalantly added.

"Settling down, you mean as in?"

"Marriage, yeah. My friend, Michael, a dick, by the way, said I wasn't really the marrying type but ooh his is already down the drain." He snorted and chugged the rest of the alcohol down, "Hypocritical fatass..." Trevor mumbled.

Your POV

I was quick to be accustomed to his way of explaining things. His messy exterior had seemed to be just a shield of sorts, protecting the trouble and trauma that manifested itself inside his head. I could see it, in the way he would talk about this 'Michael' guy and how his eyes seemed to stare into the void between his feet.

"I'm sure you'll figure all that in due time." I replied sitting on the counter as it was remotely clean enough.

"Time? Time is running out. I'm getting old! I mean, suuure it doesn't stop me from getting scores and doin' the works but fuck man if I had to admit somethin'?" He paused.

I wondered why he was opening up to me so quickly but I found myself to listen in.

"I'd treat 'er right. Maybe I'm not the most outstanding and marvelous Prince Charming but ... damn!" He stopped himself and groaned, "Enough of this sappy bullshit. You're stayin' with me, sugartits. Got it?"

I nodded, knowing I didn't really have a place to go,"Yeah, right ..."

Trevor has looked like he was going to say something but was interrupted by a harsh knock and the opening of the door.

A man just a tad bit taller than Trevor came into my view; slicked back hair and piercing blue eyes. He even was sharply dressed. The man must be well with money.

"Trev-!" He noticed me and sighed in exasperation, "The fuck did you do!? Steal anothe-"

"Nonononoooo" he put his hands up and went over to me, gesturing, "This beauty is Y/n. Y/n this is Michael."

He smiled, "Y/n. Pleasure to meet you."

"You too, Michael." I blushed. I felt slightly embarrassed as I wasn't good with new people.

"Alright alright enough with the cutesy smiles and shitty introductions, Mikey, what is it you wanna tell me, busting into my trailer like that?"

I had seen Trevor tense up at the brief conversation between him and I. Maybe he was jealous? Protective? He stood close to me and in between the two of us.

"Well?" He pushes on, leaving Michael to shift in his place.

"Look man, I just wanted to say ... you just want to talk outside?"

\- - - - -

It was late and the two men remained outside. They talked for awhile but I had figured they left to converse some more at a nearby bar. I stepped outside, sitting on the concrete steps, listening in at the distant traffic going by. Looking up at the stars I sighed, wondering if this would be the same as with other people I stayed with.

"Maybe I should just leave." I mumbled standing up and passing the fences before going down the many twisty dust roads.

"Hey! Stop right there!"

I froze, hearing the rumble of engines get closer to me and halt.

Bikers.

"Uh, yes?" I replied, feeling a bit frightened by the men that swarmed me.

"You're comin' with us." The crew laughed and before I could protest I was thrown in a sack that smelled of raw meat and alcohol. I squirmed but the fabrics hadn't given in and before I knew it I was surrounded in blackness, feeling a sharp pain hit me in the back of the head.

Trevor's POV.

I had no concept of time as I slowly returned back to the trailer. I opened the door to find it empty.

"Y/n? Y/n!? FUCK! FUCK!" I ran back out and to the car, seeing a few bikers drive off and the anger in me flooded my stomach.

"You pieces of fucking shit!" I yelled, starting it up and driving after them,"You can't just fuck off, can't ya!?" I reached in my glove box and pulled out a pistol and kept in near as I continued to drive and follow the fuckers down the highway.

——— quick timeskip cause action ———

I was swift to grab my weapon and scout out the area. It was at the O'Neil brothers farm and I kept my distance, knowing there were people guarding the area. But my patience grew less and less.

"Fuck this!" I growled.

I made my way down, gritting my teeth and busting down the door,"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE!?" I held up the pistol and pointed at the people inside. They panicked, unable to act.

"FUCKIN- TELL ME WHERE SHE IS BEFORE I BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!"

"She-She's in the barn-!"

"AHHG!" I shot at them, killing them before leaving and quickly heading to the barn. Once I did, I saw a few bikers surround a figure that was most likely Y/n in a sack.

"You stupid motherfuckers can't keep your hands on your own shit, can you!?" I hollered, gaining their attention. They pointed their weapons at me and I stepped closer.

"Give me one goddamn reason I should let you fucking walk." I shot at one of their feet, making them fall.

"Seems like you can't do that shit! Not surprised!" I added before hearing a shot being made and I took cover. I grind my teeth, I hate bikers. I hate this place.

"FUCK. YOU!" I was quick and made the shots at the men who took Y/n and with a bit of struggle I got them down.

I went over to Y/n and ripped the bag off of her, revealing her knocked out and bleeding from the head. She had laid unconscious.

"Shit shit shit!!" I picked her up bridal style before making my way out of the area and in my vehicle, I drove.

"Stupid piece of shit you are! How dare you leave!? Maybe I should've just left you on the streets! After all I did! Invited and LET YOU stay! GOD you better have a good explanation!" I snarled. I knew she couldn't hear me.

"I don't want you to leave. Not just when you got here. I don't want you to be like everyone else. Like Michael or ... anyone else that's met me. So fuck you! Fuck you for thinking you'd just leave! You can't." I sighed, keeping on the road, going to Michael's.

"You can't Y/n. Please."


	4. Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up at Michael's house, discombobulated and remembering some faint words of Trevor's. Although Trevor is a lot to handle, you start to think there's more to him than he let's on.

**Your POV**

I woke up to the sense of warmth and distant yelling. My head was filled with pins and needles, making me slowly groan and clench my teeth. The pain was unbearable.

"Ughh.." I slowly sat up, getting my bearings. Surroundings were unfamiliar. I was in a tidy spacious living room, just around the corner I could see doors leading somewhere assumed in the back.  
Slowly laying down I heard echoes in the back of my head. They cursed and spat at me. This, was not my conscious.

_Stupid piece of shit you are! ___

__"Ah, the runaway has awakened." Spoke a familiar voice. Unable to adjust and lift myself more, I saw Trevor in the corner in my eye and shifted._ _

__"Trevor..?"_ _

__"One and only."_ _

__There was a silence and the memories of wanting to leave without a word struck me,"It wasn't like that. I just-"_ _

__"Nono, don't fucking explain yourself, Y/n. Please, by all means, take your leave." He replied curtly, seemingly hurt,"It wasn't like I saved your ass from your imaginary drug induced enemies OH and the possible, I don't know, gang that kidnapped you. A thank you would be appreciated."_ _

__"Tha-"_ _

__"Too late." He shook his head, having interrupted me. Trevor walked to me, peering down from behind the couch. His eyes dark and mixed with emotions I couldn't catch right away, I sunk into them._ _

__"You're lucky I was there." Trevor finished, stomping off._ _

__A slam of the door made me flinch. The air was still and the pain made my heart thump harder._ _

__"I'm sorry about that, Y/n, right?"_ _

__I nodded, keeping my mouth shut._ _

__"Michael, sorta friends with Trevor. We briefly met the other night ... and don't worry, he's like that with practically anyone who's shown him any kindness." Michael explained. He sat down the opposite of me in a chair. His eyes seemed fixated on the drink in his hand._ _

__"Really?" I questioned, slowly sitting myself up with a small groan._ _

__"Yeah. Despite his decrepit home, looks and actions, he's loyal."_ _

__I nodded, not having the right words to say at the moment,"So, he did save me...?"_ _

__"All on his own. Told me some biker gang got you. That's all I know, the man was making more animal noises than human when he pulled up here."_ _

__"Sounds like something he'd do."_ _

__"There's a lot of things he would do but I know one thing he won't is back out on anything that benefits him." Michael added as he took a drag from his cigarette,"He doesn't go too far when mad."_ _

__"You must know a lot about him." I add, my gaze seemingly following the puffs of smoke going in the air and dispersing._ _

__"Been friends for 20 plus somethin' years. Damn ... we were kids when we met. Course, things changed." He stares up at the ceiling for a brief moment before bringing the cigarette to his lips._ _

__"How'd you two meet?" You questioned further, earning a small chuckle from the man._ _

__"Oh sweetheart, that's a story for another day." He got up from his spot, putting out the smoke and setting it aside,"I'll get Trevor if-"_ _

__"No, I mean- ... he probably just needs some time to cool off." I replied, putting my hands up in defense with a faint smile._ _

__"Well alright. Anyways, get your rest and all that. Holler if you need anything."_ _

__Shortly after he spoke, he smiled before heading out of the room and assuming to be upstairs a few moments later._ _

__**———Few Hours Later———** _ _

__A small click of the door made you open your tired eyes out of the sleep you were awoken from. Surrounded in darkness, nothing had registered but the sounds still reached your ears._ _

__Faint and tired groans echoed and all was felt quickly after was the shift of the couch and some weight on your legs. By the distinct smell of smoke, gasoline and other unknown bodily fluids, it was Trevor._ _

__You saw his silhouette tower over the faint lights that came through the windows or other blinking electronics that were just faint enough. Your heart raced not knowing what he was going to do._ _

__Was he gonna hurt you? Rape you? You didn't know._ _

__But he didn't do anything but hold your legs under his curled body, resting his head on your stomach._ _

__"Tre-"_ _

__"Keep quiet, you." He interrupted with a venomous tone,"Just ... let me have this." He finished softly, you taking note of the soothing voice that highly differed from his usual loud and gruff tone. He shifted, holding you and a small exhale ensued._ _

__You found yourself to lay your head back with no protest, looking up at the ceiling. Your tired mind wandered to what Michael had said about kindness.  
About how he expresses himself in ways that were hard to read for others, but to you they were there._ _

__He was worried._ _

__As your tired eyes slowly were weighed by the exhaustion, a small smile lifted your lips._ _

__He was worried ... and he cared._ _


	5. Everything YOU Owe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n wakes up at Michael’s home and is discombobulated from the events of last night. Trevor is sour but things turn sweet.

Awakening was a challenge. Through the potent smell of the man that was snoring and plopped on you was adoringly accompanied by the fresh air that was blowing through a near open window. You sigh, loving to wake up such a clear sense of clarity that was adorned by the sunlight.

"Quit movin' would ya..." 

Your attention snapped to the body draped over your waist. His leg hung off while his arms latched around your middle. You simply complied and besides it seemed to early to be doing anything yet.  
He stirred up after a few silent minutes and groaning, picking the clothing out from wedging him any more.

"Mornin' traitor-"

"Traitor?" You stumbled while quickly sitting up, earning a small chuckle from the man.

"Only half true. You look like Mikey when he's...well fuck it he's like that all the time."

Your eyes narrowed as you made yourself stand up quickly, facing him,"Listen, I don't know what made you think you can just call me things I'm not."

"You prefer to call me what you are? I mean, sure toots! Let's see, you're someone to come into my Jeep two nights ago begging to drive away to hell knows where while you did wayyy too much for you to handle darlin' bet you look better with pounded crystal in your nostrils."

"And you? Thinking you're better than me?" You questioned as you stepped towards his form as he slowly stood up towering over you. You admitted, that scared you.

"Mmm, damn right. Are you gonna do anything about it?" He bent down, snickering while you remained determined.

"I'm going to forget you exist." You were quick to leave his tormenting stare but his rough hand around your wrist stopped you.

"Don't." He curtly stated while looking down.

"Why? Give me one valid reason I shouldn't." You looked over and you felt his grip loosen.

"Everyone leaves me. I don't ...hnng... want you to go." 

You blinked, having seen his demeanor change so quickly left you in the dust,"What..?"

He groaned and let you go,"You fuckin' heard me, besides, you owe ME."

"I don't owe you shit, Trevor. Besides, I think what I'm finally scared of. I'm scared of becoming you." You paused, seeing his expression contort and mix with many emotions,"Everyone leaves you cause you prevent them from becoming better than you. That's your fear."

You knew you clicked something inside of him as he turned into a ball of anger.

"You don't know anything about me, Y/n."

"And you don't know anything about me. Let's keep it that way." Your words were sour, stirring in your mouth. Before Trevor could say anything a small cough emitted from behind you.

It was Michael.

"Well, erm, mornin'."

• • • •   
The ride back to your slum of a neighborhood was silent. You sat in the front while Michael drove and Trevor steamed in the back in anger. 

"So, Y/n. How long have ya been living around here?" Michael asked as he kept his attention to the road. 

"Long as I can remember." You replied curtly, looking out the passenger window, your stomach twisting and turning at the thought of heading home with what you just started to know. 

"How fuckin' cute. Can you two just kiss so I can get back to what I'm good at.'' Trevor groaned.

"Being a pain in the ass?" Michael snickered,"Can't ditch something you're an expert at.''

"Oooh, so like being a shitty father? Ahh, I got'cha."

Michael was swift on turning his attention to the angry Canadian in the back. The car still remained still on it's path. 

"Alright listen here, motherfucker-''

"Eyes on the road.'' You say nervously, hoping that would stop the bickering. It didn't.

"Did I hit a nerve? Sorry, my bad, buddy. I thought we were bringing up the faults in this joyride. Ain't no road long enough to expose yours.'' Trevor stared at Michael, snickering, knowing he was getting somewhere with pissing his friend off. 

"Alright, buddy, you wanna talk fuckin' faults? A man like you-"

"A man like me? You mean better than YOU.'' He interrupted. Michael still wasn't looking to the road, crudely driving now. 

Your heart pounded in your chest,"Guys-"

"You say that to boost whatever is left in you. Christ, sorry I'm not a drug lord, spitting on chicks to get a kick! A fuckin' wild animal with a superiority complex because mama didn't love me.'' Michael stabbed at Trevor, who was close to knocking him in the face.

Trevor hadn't replied for a moment, giving in a small nod, a sarcastic one, sure, but he glared the sharpest of daggers at him,"And your the one to talk. Leaving me alone? Faking your fucking death so you don't gotta deal with shit."

"I had a family to protect.''

"YEAH? WELL I GOT NOTHIN'! YOU THINK IT'S ALL FINE AND DANDY, WITH EVERYTHING UP YOUR ASS BUT NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ME!" Trevor yelled. Desperation and anger beyond belief laced his voice, every word was something that was locked away, now free.

"I do.'' You say and the car goes silent. To your relief, Michael returns to correctly driving and you wondered how you survived this long. 

"It isn't what I owe you, or what I do, maybe I'll be dead tomorrow. But I care.'' You replied, more calmly than this whole experience was. You felt the tension in the air fade away,"I'm sorry, for running off like that.'' You finalized and the car gave in to a screeching halt, parked on the side of the road.

"Y/n, do not give that man an apology. It's worthless.'' Michael said and something had shriveled up in your chest as you remained confident. 

"He isn't. And if anything? You give him an apology.'' You replied, not looking at either of the men in the vehicle. You saw your home in the distance. Nearly torn down and looking like it was made from scrap metal and wood discarded by the city folk. 

Trevor sat in bewilderment, beside himself even on what the fuck just happened. He only stared in that familiar void, in the palm of his hands, he finally clenched them. There were no remarks.

"You're staying with me, from now on. I mean- if I want you to stay in a damned shit hole, at least it'll be mine." He said, gaining your attention. You looked over to see his expression. Soft. Almost pleading. His usual sharp and rugged exterior was blurred with kindness. Maybe not the one anyone could be accustomed to, but you felt it. 

So you complied to his wish. 

"So everything that I owe?'' You questioned.

"Yeah, fuck that. . . you've shown me enough."


	6. IV: I Don’t Understand

It had to have been at least a month since you began staying at Trevor's trailer in Sandy Shores. Mostly, you sat inside, cleaning up some of the debris that clearly hadn't been maintained. Since you were staying, you could just make it a bit more comfortable for yourself. 

Trevor usually was out, doing his business if that's what he calls it anyways. This gave you some time to finally process everything that was going around you. How dangerous this man really was.

But it was danger that the heart that kept him alive. 

"Honey, I'm hooome~!" He barged in through the door and tripped on his feet, falling to the floor. You weren't exactly amused and completely disregarded what he called you. 

"Where were you?'' You questioned, earning a glance from the disheveled man before you. 

No doubt about it. He was drunk. 

"That's classified, sweetness." He purred and made it to your side where he wrapped his arms around your middle, sighing,"I missed you today.'' He slurred. 

You didn't bother on prying himself off of you, knowing he'll just get grumpy and hold onto you tighter. 

"Yeah and you missed a shower." You retorted. He lifted his head and you felt his arms slowly let you go. 

"What?'' 

His voice grumbled. You stared into his darkened and nearly feral eyes. Nice going Y/n

"I was just joking I-"

Yet the response was completely different. You saw tears in his eyes. He's shitfaced to the max. You sorta felt like an asshole but still you were taken aback from what was unraveling from you. 

"You know,'' he began, sniveling,"Some of the shit you say, makes me all tons of fucked up. It makes me mad- and...'' He stood up and wobbly paced,''Half of the fucking time I don't even know what to do with myself. You pity me, don't you?'' 

You blinked,''I- I..''

He was swift with his movements despite being completely intoxicated. His arms on both side of you, faces inches away. You smelled the vodka heavily on his breath. 

"Don't. You.'' He clenched his teeth and your heart raced. You had no idea why, but you placed a shaky hand on his face. The anger he had turned into confusion.

"I don't." You reply softly. 

Your hand was quick to leave his face as he backed away, stumbling back and hitting the counters, where he slid to the flooring. 

"I'm...fuck...I'm sorry.'' He rubbed his face with his rough hands. 

You looked at Trevor in complete bewilderment. This was so unlike him, or maybe it really was him.

"You don't have to keep running, you know.'' You say, earning his attention. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?'' 

"Yourself. You're running from yourself.'' You explain clearly now. His eyes widened, only to then be filled with emotion you hadn't seen before. 

"Yeah, so what? I ain't afraid to admit that-''

"So why don't you stop?'' You question. A heavy silence filled the air. There wasn't a reply as he just groaned in annoyance and stood up once again. 

"I'm going to bed."

"I don't understand-!"

"You know what, Y/n, in life ya don't gotta understand everything. Not everything can be solved with pretty little words and pretty little meanings. Life isn't going to be changed to your will. I don't know what your fucking game is with me but I don't want to play." 

You looked down, not having a solid reply. This wasn't a romance novel, a movie. This was real life and when your words didn't reach others, what was the point?

Trevor stormed and went to his room while you laid down on the couch. Tears threatened to escape but you threw your forearm over them, only to fall asleep shortly after. 

\--Later--

Trevor woke up, his head pounding. He hadn't had the faintest idea what had happened, but only that he nearly drank himself into oblivion. He left his room, finding Y/n asleep. Trevor went over, seeing her eyes puffed and small tear trails on her cheeks. 

'Fuck fuck fuck! What did you do, Trevor?!'

His thoughts screamed at him. He started to remember the small quarrel they had gotten into. His heart sank at the thought and sat down on the floor, trying not to disturb her rest. 

Trevor had the weirdest feeling in his chest. Something uncanny. Something he hadn't felt before but saw it in others, saw it in families, or even a victim who talked about their wife at kids before being killed. 

"I don't understand either, Y/n. But I will try.'' He spoke to her quietly before falling back asleep.


	7. Home

You weren't sure why he was on the floor next to the couch or even why his rough hand was over your soft ones. He couldn't have just wandered out still plastered. Usually once he hits the bed he's out like a light.

This time, you didn't really move. Not even your hand. You looked up at the stained ceiling with a small sigh.

Your addiction got you here. It was your mindless mental breakdown of the new year that sent you into a ballistic panic.

Though, it was him to give a hand out to you in need. More than once.

You heard a groan from the right of you, seeing Trevor slowly awaken from his slumber.

"Agh...fuck man..." His hands moved to rub his eyes, then seeing your sleepy confused face. There was that trademark smile of his, once again.

"Mornin' there toots." 

"Good morning." You reply, sorta not sure if he'd remember anything from last night. You slowly sat up and stretched your arms. He did the same and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Listen Y/n, I uh..I know I get really fucking stupid when I'm drunk. But um...I- I didn't do anything to hurt you, right?" His words seemed to seep out of his mouth. In a way, sounded like was actually trying.

"I um..." You dug through your brain,"No, not really." You finally said. He sat down on the table that was sorta like a small living room.

"Is there a reason?" You asked and odd enough he stopped his actions in getting a beer. 

"You were crying."

"Oh . . . " 

"Yeah, oh, so it wasn't me that did it."

You shook your head. There was now a lingering silence. Why did he start to care all of a sudden? Doesn't he kill people? Eat them? You heard a lot from the O'Neil Brothers -

"And you care why?" 

"Just- ... answer the fucking question, Y/n." It sounded more desperate than angry. Even sounded like someone said it to him once, too. 

"I just got upset." You finally say, glancing off to somewhere else,"I tried helping you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, alright...and you sorta blew me off and I got mad." You explained. 

It seemed Trevor completely disregarded the slightest thought on getting a drink right now as he hopped up. 

"Lesson one, sweetheart, when Trevor is drunk, don't take it to heart." He said,"And two, you cry when you're mad?"

"Okay- not everyone goes on a killing spree and sets shit on fire when angry-" You snort, making Trevor chuckle. 

"Oh sweetie, you know me so well! You're catching on." 

There was that genuine smile again. It was weird, seeing this gruff man become such a softie. It took a certain eye to see it though. It was those genuine moments that made you stay. 

"Got any plans for today?" You ask, standing up from the couch you slept on. Trevor shrugged.

"Nothin' much, gonna do my rounds. Wanna join? Could use the sweet company like yourself." He snickered and you nodded.

"Sure. Beats lounging around all day and waiting for you to come back." You replied and was headed outside. Trevor watched you closely as you did, a small rough smile on his face. 

You waited for him?

———

Seeing what Trevor's daily life entailed certainly intrigued you. Yet, he still tried to be somewhat of a gentleman and not show you exactly everything, in the fear of you leaving again. Course, he wouldn't say that. 

"So this place here. I own it." Trevor seemed very proud of his accomplishments. The two of you took the back way in, which led into a nice hangout place. It contained a small living area with a fridge, couch, table etc. It seemed like he came here a lot too.

"Vanilla Unicorn? Impressive, I suppose." You looked over to him. He loved the simple praise you gifted him. It him feel like he mattered.

"Ya suppose, eh? I mean, tits make fat stacks. Isn't the only thing I do, though." 

"And that would be?" 

"Ahh, details aren't too important, sugar. How bout' a drink? I'm sure you could use one." He offered and wrapped an arm around you. It seemed like he was quick to change the subject. 

"I don't mind one. Sounds nice." You replied and then you were pulled along. Your small frame weaved through a few people. Absentmindedly, your hand was holding Trevor's, just so you wouldn't get left behind. It made you feel pretty safe, too. 

Both of you sat at the bar and Trevor leaned his body over the counter,"Aye! Two drinks over here!" His gruff voice said over the booming music. You just felt like you didn't belong there. Sorta floating around. You found yourself to just take in the whole new scenery and you hadn't figured out how introverted you really were till times like these.

"Y'elloooo, Earth to Y/n." 

You snapped out of your thoughts, hearing Trevor call you back down and you took the drink he handed to you. 

"Sorry, I think I'm just not used to this kinda stuff." 

"Ahh, don't worry about it cupcake! You just gotta get into the groove is all." He slammed down the drink like it was nothing. You did the same but nearly coughed up the concoction. That made Trevor smile and chuckle.

"I can see why." 

You thought for a moment he was patronizing you, but the look was genuine. You shrugged.

"My bad." You say, feeling like you were dragging him down. You already felt a buzz in your head. Why were you so suddenly insecure? 

Those insecurities melted away when you felt a strong arm wrap around your middle.

"Not bad when it comes to an Angel like you. No worries, sweetness." Trevor looked down at you as you were in a bit of a haze. Why was he so nice? Why you out of all the people? Your body rested on his and he helped you up.

"Lightweight?" He assisted you back outside. Your head felt a bit fuzzy but it must've been the lack of sleep, or speed, which you hadn't indulged in awhile.

"No, I don't think so, at least ... "

"No judgement here. How about we just head home? It's been a looong day and besides, I don't want to deal with fucking idiots." There was that annoyed tone you definitely were used to. Nodding you sat in the passenger seat of his Bodhi before he drove off into the bustling cities that would eventually turn into sandy landscapes. 

Once you returned to the trailer that was home, you set yourself upon the couch you regularly slept on. Yet, you felt your tired body being lifted not even seconds after.

"We're going to have a few new sleeping arrangements." He simply said and you hadn't minded. Only till you were set on his bed and oddly tucked in. 

"How come?" You say, turning over to face him as he just laid down next to you, not even bothering to change his clothes.

"How come what?" 

"You haven't killed me? Or.. you know, use me?" 

There was that silence, again. You could see faintly the pondering look in his eyes as he looked up on the ceiling. 

"I don't see you as a fuck up like everyone else. I even consider my best friend the biggest of them all and I've known him for years. But you?" He sighed,"I can't find a single fuckin' flaw and at first I hated it. I hated how this person I met, what, a damn month ago had shown me nothing but perfection." 

"How could you even see that in me?" You haven't thought of yourself to be drooled over, praised, he did. In a way, that was scary.

"Couldn't tell you, sweetcheeks. That's what I've been trying to figure out. But maybe ..I don't really need to." He replied and you listened closely. How his voice grew quiet. How those words weren't filled with gruff loudness and anger like everything and everyone he yelled at. It puzzled you. You were a homeless slum of a person who couldn't be stable for one second without something going up your nostrils. 

So maybe that's why you connected. Because you could see so much of yourself in him and vise versa. 

"Yeah, I figured that out too. Hey.." 

"Hm?" 

You rested your head on his chest and shut your eyes,"Thank you. For being my home."

For being her home...

"Course, Y/n.." 

Home...


	8. Grief

You never had a home. It was always the weird stares of people. The shoving on the sidewalks. The simple yet chaotic sound of traffic. 

That was the only home you had ever known and some part of you were okay with it. 

Your parents were the dense type. Every time you had wanted to come to them with an issue, it was always reflected with a sarcastic or insensitive remark. Especially your mom. 

One time, at the age of 15, you had gotten hurt, to which your mother replied. 

'Oh, the one time a kid gets hurt its a fucking travesty.'

Then would continue on with how when they were younger, they used to get skinned knees and some other rebellious events they went to. 

You never really had any sort of closure with your mom. You never spoke to her about your issues due to it always being shot down, or worse, to be used against you in another conversation later on. Oh how mothers always say I'll remember that. Which, always pissed you off. 

Now in your late 20's, early 30's you wondered where it went downhill. How after you graduated, a gap year turned into years for further education. The warm loving embraces of your mom and dad turned into cold and distant stares. How the room you once had now is storage for things they say they will use, but don't. 

How now you're now homeless with a useless degree of graphics designing with a needle stuck in your forearm in a shady alley way with other bums.

Out all of the fucking things that happened. What happened to you?

There was an instance, using your spare change to call your mom in a huge drug-induced fit. Your hands shaken and it was nearly impossible to dial the numbers to your parents home. Once you did, you were greeted with a tired greeting and just the sound of that, you could imagine your mothers bleary eyes.

"Why couldn't you ever fucking listen to me m-mom?! It's all your fault I'm here!''

"What the hell are you talking about Y/n?" You grit your teeth as you felt your head being filled with that tv static. 

"You! Why couldn't you support me? Why couldn't you just listen and not judge?! Do you even know that makes me feel?!" I yelled into the gross toll phone. Your mom didn't reply for awhile and you even began to think why you spent a dollar on knowing silence.

"I fed you. I raised you. I watched you come into this world, blank canvas and all. How this small child I held in my arms could do good. It's not my fault you left yourself to the care of a crack house. It's not my fault that you wasted a degree on those years, hell knows where! Own up to your shit Y/n, because I'm not going to be alive forever. You're going to miss me when I die and You'll think-''

~ To continue this call, please enter fifty more cents. ~

You hung up the phone before staring at it long enough to practically burn a hole through it. You didn't want to know what you'll think. If anything, that would be the last time you would talk to your mother. 

And it was. 

Four months later, she succumbed to a heart attack. You hand't found out about the news till nearly the next year by a distant relative. The news hit you in somewhat of a numbing wave. 

It angered you in the later months after the news how you couldn't just miss her. All that ran though your jumbled head was the mean remarks she made towards you. How all the issues you had come to hide from her, in absolute fear, were to never be discussed. 

She told you countless times you would miss her. 

Countless. 

You felt like an awful person that you couldn't grieve like the others in your family had. How something was mentally wrong with you. So you turned to more heroine. More cocaine. More...whatever could be liquefied and put into a needle. So that at least you could feel something. 

So that you could figure out why you weren't grieving. 

Someday, you thought, Someday I'll be able to miss her. 


	9. My Solace

Trevor's POV.

It was nice having her around. Though, I wouldn't admit it anytime soon cause ... well, it sounds fucking stupid. 

She filled the silence. She filled the weird chaos that always set off in my head. I hated how I felt because it was something completely foreign to me. How could I treat this woman, who waltzed into my life the way she did and not hurt her? 

I can admit, like anyone else, I'm a fucking mess. A complete bomb, detonated and set to go off any minute. 

Y/n makes me feel otherwise, though. 

"Hey, Trev?''

"Mm, yea sweetness?'' I hummed, looking over to her. Her eyes looked tired, hair disheveled. Her body nearly slumped over on itself and her hands clasped on the railing that led down the couple of stairs in front of her. 

"I heard your name on the tv." She began but before her could finish, I stopped her.

"Ain't nothin' to worry about. All is taken care of, jus' gotta lay low for awhile.'' I simply explained as I stood up from the lawn chair and made myself over to the bottom of the stairs, looking up at her. She really must've woken up just now. 

"Lay low? What-. . .did you do?" 

I was afraid she was gonna ask that. 

I put my hands up, ready to explain myself, settling her down,''Now Now, Y/n, Trev just had to take care of a few things. Like, err, take out a couple scumbag turds out.''

It took a few lingering moments for her to finally reply, as like everything I told her didn't completely go through. To my surprise, she let out a sigh and sat down on a chair on the small porch. I placed myself down on the steps. 

"You alright?'' I asked her. 

"It's scary.'' She said, rubbing her face with her hands. A faint part of me noticed the tremors escaping her throat, making her body shiver. 

"I would've fuckin' figured you'd find out about it. I ain't the most rounded man around-''

"And you think I am?'' Y/n looked at me and the first time in my life, I wasn't staring into my mothers eyes. The feeling of being lost and hurt. I froze and swallowed my anger. 

"I never said-''

''But you have been doing so much that no one else ever fucking has. How am I supposed to reply? What am I supposed to do? What did I do to get these gestures from you?" Her body shakily stands up and I heard her hold back a sob that nearly escaped. What she said next made my heart jump out of my chest.

"How can I love someone that is just the same as me?''

"You-...''

''I do.''

I didn't know how to reply but I stared at this woman like no one else. How could she say something like that? Was it a joke? Was it my fucked up mind that just spat this scenario out? 

Was I going beyond mad?

"Where did this come from?'' I asked gently, looking down at my torn hands. 

"I don't know, Trevor. Maybe it's because you've been absentmindedly going out of your way to make room for me in your chaotic life. Maybe because when I heard your name on the news, that I know my time could be cut short with you. Anytime, some man could shoot you between the eyes and I would have to live with that.'' She paused and I slowly made myself up to her, grabbing one of her hands. 

"I don't want to live my life knowing that I never told you I loved you." Y/n finished. Her e/c irises seemingly staring into a void I was quick to pull her out of.

Not only for the first time in my life, I looked at someone other than my mother, helpless. That I hadn't had a single ounce of hatred or anger inside. 

I stared down at her small hands in mine, caressing them,''I love you too, Y/n.'' 

She hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her and let out a sigh. 

I found solace in drugs, money, chaos, hit and runs. I found it even in my best friends death, knowing he wouldn't have to deal with the fucked up world that it is. 

I mostly found it in Y/n. 

"Promise me I'll be able to say I love you everyday? That you'll be alive.''

"Usually I don't make promises. . . but for you? Anything. I promise, sweetheart, and if anyone says otherwise or stops me, I'll stomp their head in the dirt.'' I let her loose from my grip, seeing a small childish smile creep on my lips, seeing her do the same. 

~~~~~

"Ahh, so your with that girl now and what, it's been?-''

"Almost a year since we met.'' I interrupted Michael, plopping down on his couch, watching him waddle in and sit down across from me on a chair,''Ya gonna ridicule me for it, like Patricia?''

''Aye, you kidnapped that lady a few years back. That's somethin' to be ridiculed for. But now you got a girl that isn't a complete-''

''Mind your fuckin' words, Mikey.''

''Eccentric.''

''Yeah, well, her and I are happy. Anyways, why'd you bring me here? I'd love to just be in the same room as a turd but it's really shitty on my mood.''

''Witness Protection Program, Trevor.''

"What?''

Michael sighed and let out his cigar and set it aside. 

"That stunt you pulled seriously has you in some deep shit.'' 

I adjusted myself in my spot,''With those damn bikers? So the fuck what?''

"Merryweather gave you a deal. Actually, it's more of me saving your fucking ass.''

''To the point you reptilian turd!'' I yelled and huffed. 

''You're gonna gave to move back to North Yankton before anything happens.''

I stood up and laughed,''Oh? So like flake on everything I've started here? My industry? Y/n? What next? I have to fake my death, change my name and not speak to you for a decade? Just say you want to get rid of me''

''I'm turning it over to you. I know you have stupid fucking impulses but trust me-''

''Trust you? I'd rather fucking die than do that!''

He stood up from his spot and I glared at him, feeling my face contort in anger. 

"Then don't fuckin' move! You'll end up losing everything and everyone you've ever come to know. Even Y/n.''

I stepped up to him,''You keep her name outta your mouth you piece of shit.''

"Yeah, you know, cause fuck me for being the good guy.''

"You? good?'' 

"Yeah! Because if I wasn't I wouldn't be lookin' out for your sorry ass. Look, just take my offer. You have three days or . . ''

"Or what?'' I spat at him.

"I don't know. Something fucked up, that's for sure.''

I growled. Oh how I still hated this man. Not the pig that was standing in front of me (although he is a fucking snake) but the man that came out in times like this. In anger.

"Ahhg! FUCK! Fine! Fine! I'll think about it. But if some stupid shady motherfucker comes to my door before then-''

"That's all I needed to hear.'' Michael replied, putting his hand up to stop, before leaving the room and me leaving, heading back to Sandy Shores. 

How will Y/n react to all of this?


	10. A Change In Scenery Part 1/2

''So, you're telling me you messed up so bad that we have to relocate for, how long?''

"Not sure, cupcake. It wasn't exactly a mess up. It was more of a mark of territory. They shouldn't have fucked with you.''

Trevor let out an elongated sigh as he sat down on the old futon. You slowly sat down, feeling a bit of guilt weigh down on your shoulders. 

''I'm sorry about that.''

''You? Nah, sweetness, it's them that needs to apologize. Not like I would accept the apology in the first place. Besides, it'll be good for us!'' Trevor had gestured around himself as he stood up, leaving you to watch him for whatever he was going to do next. He seemed to always have that affect on people. 

''Good how?'' You slowly replied. 

''This here dry shit haven? Sure, I've come to love it. Away from the bustling city-folk and plastic scumbags. But back in North Yankton? Total different story.''

''You still haven't told me anything from when you used to live there-''

''Yeah yeah I'll get to that.'' Trevor interrupted and knelt down in front of you, placing one of his hands on your leg with a gentle smile. 

''I'll tell ya everything ya want to know while we're on the road tonight.''

''Leaving? So soon?'' 

''It's best for your safety. Not everyone who knocks on my door is friendly, Y/n.''

There was a small moment of silence as you weighed down your options. Nothing was keeping you here and not like any of your family would hold you back. You smiled, finally coming to your conclusion. 

''Well, let's get packing.''

\---

The packing hadn't taken very long considering you had to lie low and pack only the essentials. 

''Alright Ron, I want you to tear down the TPI once we leave. Cut all contact with customers- all that bullshit.''

''But-!''

''Do it or I'll have your fucking head on a plate for lunch!'' Trevor bellowed before throwing the last of his belongings in the back of his dusty red Bodhi.

''C'mon Y/n! Let's get rollin'!''

You threw a small bag over your shoulder before leaving the now empty trailer and hopping into the vehicle. You set the bag in between your feet, feeling the car wriggle for a few moments as Trevor sat in the drivers seat, starting it up. 

''Ready sweetcheeks?'' His calloused hand gave your leg a pat, smiling slightly.

''Definitely.'' You replied, giving in a small smile. 

Before you even knew it, you were set off to the airport, in the skies and into a new chapter in your life. 

\----

Well, this place is fucking cold. 

''Is it always snowing here?'' You asked, having looked out the rented (more like 'borrowed' ̶s̶t̶o̶l̶e̶n̶) vehicle's window. 

''Sure seems like it. It starts snowing around mid October and doesn't really melt till the end of March. Fucking sucks but hey, could be worse.'' He chuckled while focusing on the road. 

''Guess you're right.'' You paused. You had never seen snow before. It was always hot, humid and sunny. The new weather really did make you feel like you were young again, so to speak. 

Trevor on the other hand had felt this old anger being dug up from his stomach. Old, fiery hatred. 

''I haven't been here since I figured out some hard truths.'' He said quietly. This caught your attention. 

''Truths?'' You said, having tried to rack your brain on what it could be. 

''Yeah. . . Yeah. It would have been a year now but Michael? That fat fuck you met? Faked his death on me for about a decade.'' You could see the grip on the steering wheel tighten. 

''That must've been quite a shock to you, figuring it out.'' You reached over and placed a hand on his. He slipped it into your hand as he drove and in the back of your mind you wondered how in the hell is hands were so warm. You could even feel the tense nature of his to melt away. 

''Mm, it was. I came here after an argument we had. I dug up his grave to see what was in it. Sure wasn't his fucking body, I can tell you that much. It was an old pal of ours named Brad, who I had originally thought was in prison. I even wrote letters that were only being replied by some government fucks.'' He explained. As he did, you could see it in his eyes that it hurt him. It hurt you even.

In that moment you could see that you past the graveyard, it having a bit of a higher security that you could only guess that it was from that situation you heard about. 

''You're going to be okay, right?'' You questioned him. You could sense that no one really had asked him that in a long while, possibly never. 

A small, genuine smile crept on his lips, seeing his eyes glisten from what could only be some tears escaping. 

''As long as I have you, Y/n, I'm as fine as I can be.'' He replied before placing a kiss to your knuckles. 

You didn't feel cold anymore. 

\---


	11. A Change In Scenery Part 2/2

Trevor's POV

Her skin popped out from the pale surroundings. It was tan and blotched with bruises of warm colors. I noticed her eyes were always fixated on the thing I hated most; what had accumulated quickly outside the cabin window, snow. Yet, the twinkles of curiosity danced in her expression, smiling. 

I hadn't been in anyone else's company that smiled like her. Usually people scowled in my presence. I quickly shook myself out of it and placed the last of our belongings inside, shutting the door.

''Well that's the last of it. You already got the fire going?'' I asked, glancing over to Y/n for a moment.

''Yeah I did. It's made much of a difference already.'' She chuckled and went over to the stone fireplace and sat down in front of the flames.

''You wanna join me?''

''Mm, sure.'' I went over and sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her middle. 

There was a comfortable silence between us as we focused on the swaying yellow and orange flames, sparks flying and crackling. 

''You know, you're a pretty mystery for someone I care for, eh?''

''Eh?'' She echoed with an snicker,''What do you mean?''

''Oh, you know what I mean and did you just mock me?'' 

''You make it easy.'' She looked over and smiled. I had froze before having made a response. I saw her expression fall and focus once again on her folded hands. 

''There's nothing much to say about me, really I-''

''Bullshit. I definitely know there's more about you. C'mon, spill. It's not like I'll tease you or anything. . . okay maybe a little but it's out of love.'' I finished, earning a smile from her as I pulled her close,''You can tell me anything.''

''Hm..well, let's see. I have a pointless degree in designing.'' 

She struggled as she continued to think. Before she could continue I practically blurted.

''Just speak whatever is on your mind.'' 

As long as I could just listen to her voice, I'd be pretty content. 

''Oh, okay well. I'm happy that we're here and not freezing.'' She lightly chuckled, earning a small grin from me. 

''Cheers to that.''

''And I'm happy that it's a different season. That I don't feel lonely anymore.'' She paused and adjusted herself to focus better on the fire, rather than her hands.

''I'm a bit scared that people will find us. I also have been thinking about heroine again and that makes my arms itch and ache. I also wonder sometimes if I'll ever die because of my body being so dependent on it and also why my mom thinks I was such a failure. I never once said I loved her after I got kicked out. On her phone record, I was the last person she called and who called first was me, in a raging fit-''

''Y/n-''

''She died of a heart attack months after that. She didn't make one single phone call in that amount of time. She pushed me. She disregarded my feelings. Oh and to wonder why I did drugs and sold my body to have a decent live that was a fucking cardboard box-''

''Y/n hey-'' I pulled my arm away from her, seeing her trembled and tense up in a blink of an eye. She buried her face in her hands. 

I knew this too well. 

''I'm such a fuck up. I-I feel like I failed everyone I know. They-They probably think that I'm dead! If that were the case, at least I would have one thing I'd be able to control!''

''HEY!'' I yelled, which was something I rarely did around her-- or tried to avoid it. 

She gasped and was quick to be in shock, covering her mouth with her shaking hands. 

''I-I'm sorry! I didn't meant to It's just-''

''Shut the fuck up.'' I told her and hugged her tightly,''Just shut up and cry already. You can cry now...you can cry.'' 

I felt the one I loved most crumble in my arms. She sobbed in my shoulder while I held her. So much anguish, plea, I knew it. I was staring at myself in the mirror. I loved this woman and damn it if I let her suffer like this any longer. It was the ones who looked the strongest, hurt the most. 

''I understand.'' I said, feeling tears prick my eyes,''I understand that feeling. I've lived through the lies people would tell me, the promises that broke. People that I had loved died or let go. But not me, I'm here. I promise. My mom was the same. She watched my dad abuse me. She would sent me to rehabilitation centers to get me out of her hair, two if I remember. Then I would eventually be sent off to five different states, two countries, fourteen different homes, eight fathers to see and three care homes I've set fire to.'' I let out a small sigh as her cries had slowly subsided into hiccups,''I'd say I was a well traveled shit head. It took me years to find who I was. I even set for the skies as a pilot to just get away from it all.'' I paused and looked into her glistening eyes.

''I've done shitty fucked up stuff. I've killed people, stolen things, used people's advantages as my advantages only to kick them to the curb. Life is gonna fucking suck. It's gonna bite off your dick- or well you know what I mean. But without the shitty stuff, then how would we know where the truly good things are? Like you.''

''Me?'' She sniffed and I used my sleeved to wipe off her snot with a snicker. 

''Yeah, you. I'm glad you practically dented my car and sent me flying down the streets over your drug induced illusions. Maybe then I wasn't a happy camper when you booked it, only to get kidnapped by those cunts called bikers, but I chased after you. Your flaws and all.'' I smiled softly. 

''Are-Are you crying?'' 

I sighed in defeat,''Mm, maybe a bit.''

''You're a softie.'' She smiled a bit. I felt her warm soft hand caress my cheek.

''Say that again and I will not hesitate to throw you in the snow. You're sounding like Michael with the hipster thing..eugh.'' 

''Okay. . . ˢᵒᶠᵗᶦᵉ. I won't push it.''

''I'll let that one slide.'' 

A change in scenery within the change of heart. Two matted and shattered souls had picked up the missing pieces of one another that night in a once cold and lifeless cabin. Now only filled with the new found love for one another. 

Maybe relocating wasn't that bad after all.

\---


End file.
